Feelings Friday (20)

Real Talk People.  I'm gonna talk about mental illness.

I'm feeling really, really down.  Like, hard to get out of bed and human. . .down.   I said before that I've never been away from my family for so long, and when my sister left on Wednesday it really hit me. I don't know when I'll see her next.  That's really tough for me.  I used to see her at LEAST once a week. Now, once a year? That's really tough.

 

Wednesday after I took her to the airport, I crawled back into bed and basically haven't done much since. Thanks to my friend Jenny, I managed to put on clothes and peopled for a couple of hours today but it was all I could handle.

 

Here's the thing though: It's not just me that is suffering. It's my kids.  They miss their Tanti, they miss Michigan, and they miss their mom. And that makes me feel even worse, which just makes me want to crawl further into this hole.  This is what mental illness looks like.

 

I am so lucky that *for me* this is situational.  Next week we'll go to Bali and life will go back to being good.  I know, deep down, that I'm going to be ok.  I'm normally sort of on the other end of the spectrum, with anxiety.  This is really throwing me for a loop.  I'm giving myself until tomorrow to wallow and then I'm going to kick myself in the ass and get going.

 

Not helping, is this:

 

 

But of course, laying in bed isn't helping that either.  So tomorrow, after my self-ass kicking, I'm going to clean it up. And then I'm going to shower.  And then maybe I'll human a little bit more.

Baxter seems to have sensed that something is wrong and doesn't want to leave my side. Which is awesome.

 

 

Except that tears and shedding bunny don't mix well. I'm working on creating a face peel from bunny hair.

Nathaniel is off climbing Fuji-San tonight/tomorrow.  I'm ironing and watching Descendants 2 with the kids.  Ok, that's a lie. I'm ironing, and blogging and not paying any attention to this movie. Except to note that the over wrought pop music hasn't changed since *I* wanted to watch this crap. Sorry Mom.

 

 

Sorry. That was deep you guys.  I feel a little bit better getting it out there. I also think it's important to normalize talking about anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses.

 

So there's that. I hope to report tomorrow that I'm feeling a bit better.

 

 

3 Replies to “Feelings Friday (20)”

  1. You and I are very much on the same page and surprisingly enough, so is your Dad. He doesn’t show emotion much but he gets grumpy when there is not a blog. I have been medicating with swimming VERY EARLY in the morning. (Okay, maybe 7:15 or so.) And having an unbreakable routine that pleases you helps a lot. It also helps to remember that you’ve been gone 7 months so you’re about halfway through. (Don’t count. Just take my word.) Your body will tell you that you need to get up and that’s the best thing you can do. I have more than half a century of experience with this. Between Momtherapy and Bunnyology, we will get you through this. And we will be there in a month. LYM

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 😦 You actually sound like you have a great handle on your feelings– leaving time for some wallowing and then getting a friend to kick you out of bed to adult again. I think the breath of fresh air, love, and familiarity that came with your sister’s visit will end up being more sustaining than sad– it reminds you of how alive you are, and then you can enjoy being alive in Japan instead of being in bed there. 🙂 hang in there! love that bunnylove!

    Liked by 1 person

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